Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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