mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
