You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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