Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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