I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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