Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
