Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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