Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
