Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
