you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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