Your dad touched me again.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
