I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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