Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
