I need help removing her.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
