Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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