with your own penis?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
