Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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