I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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