I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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