i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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