Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize