Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
