the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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