help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize