I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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