Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
