I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
