Buhtt sex?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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