I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
