I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize