Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You're my little dorito
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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