idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
