My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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