i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize