you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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