she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
