Can Purell be used as lube?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize