She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
