We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
