You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
