so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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