Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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