life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
