She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
