i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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