literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
