there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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