You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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