he thought i was a dude.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize