Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
