come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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