Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
