she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
