Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
