we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize