you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
