Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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