Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There r osticjed everywhere
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
