tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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