Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it's like iHOP with fire
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Houston, we have a squirter
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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