highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize