TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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