For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
