k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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