Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
