I wanna bring you to show and tell
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
