I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
