Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
