omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
