So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
