i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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