Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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