I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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