Betty ford says i'm here all night
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize