his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
