If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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