How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
