There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i barfeds in our rink
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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