How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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