Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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