he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
