I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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