she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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