I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
