I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
