the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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