I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
