sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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