obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
