all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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