I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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