I faked an abortion last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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