There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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