I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He literally asked permission to hit on me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
