I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
