it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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