Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize