Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No subtext here. People are naked.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
