mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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