You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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