Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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