Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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