i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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