she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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