I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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