Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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