Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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