If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
