What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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