At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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