It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
