he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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