sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
