Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize